Really, really big sigh….
This is so hard to write, but I need to vent.
Middle Aged. Mid-life. According to Dictionary.com middle aged means “being of the age intermediate between youth and old age, roughly between 45 and 65.”
According to Erik Erikson I’m smack in the middle of the Generativity VS Stagnation stage of adulthood. There’s only one stage left after this one. Crap.
I’m middle aged.
Double, triple, infinity blech.
Can we rename this stage of life, please? Something pleasant or fun sounding? I vote for Empty Nest Rocker Chick.
Two events this year brought home to me what I kind of already knew, but didn’t want to face-I am well past my physical peak. My body is in slow decline. Or maybe not so slow in some ways.
Those two events? My annual eye exam in January and an acute visit to my primary care doctor to talk about my continued back pain.
First event: January-my eye doctor told me I have cataracts forming in both eyes. I guess my chin suddenly hitting the ground and the tears welling in my eyes made her quickly add, “It’s no big deal. It happens to all of us.” Granted, they’re just beginning. Will probably be years before I have to have surgery to remove them. But…but…
BUT I’M ONLY 49 YEARS OLD!!!!
Second event: Thursday-met with Dr. P about my back. I’ve shed over 60 pounds. Eat healthy most days. Have a lipid profile, blood pressure, and resting heart rate that, sold on the black market, would make me a wealthy woman. So what did Dr. P tell me that hurt so much. No. More. Running.
NO. MORE. RUNNING…NO. MORE. RUNNING…
He might as well have punched me in the gut. With a brick.
I think I’m dealing better with the cataracts than the no more running thing. Cataracts can be removed. But the no more running thing, man that hits me deep in the core of who I am.
I. AM. ONLY. 49. YEARS. OLD.
How do I deal with this? Haven’t figured that out yet, but I will own it like an Empty Nest Rocker Chick.
Middle Age and Erik Erikson can bite me.